I've thought a lot about what I wanted to say here. I'm still not sure, but I'm going to try anyway.
I guess I feel a little guilty, maybe a little ashamed I guess. They say hind-sight is 20/20, and that is very true to me right now. I haven't been honest, not really. I've let it out in small bits, but not in the way that all you have.
I regret that now.
I'm not sure of what I'm trying to say. I've been worried about this for a long time, a sort of fear has festered that people would think of me as less, because I just haven't been... honest.
I did want to, just every time I tried to sit down and type, a deep anxiety filled me, it's scary for me to talk about myself because I rarely do and I prefer hearing others, even under an alias and even on a blog it's hard. Many times I felt like it was easier to not do anything.
So I was a coward.
But that is something I want to end. Not next year, next month, next week, or even tomorrow. But today. I will continue this blog even after the semester is over or maybe I should say truly start for the very first time. It wasn't until I was able to put a face and a name to some of you, that it truly hit home for me, if finally became real. I've been a tourist, I understood that before, but now more than ever. do I realize I need to change.
But first you should get to know me a bit.
I am a senior and nearly 18 and yet I still don't have my license.
I absolutely love a good story of any kind, and a dream of mine is to become a master of storytelling. I am fond of and very much enjoy action and adventure, swords, guns, explosions and the like. However, I've always been a sucker for a good romance, yet I've never really had a relationship, though I have felt love's sting.
I may seem quiet and maybe a bit timid at school, but find me with my friends and I'm the most loud and obnoxious of the bunch.
I've always loved dogs and when my dog died four years ago, I was heart broken and I still miss him everyday.
I was born with severe flat-footedness, so my feet have never been able to support me as well as they should, and it causes a lot of pain when I'm up too long, as such I've never been good at sports, and that has colored my reputation for as long as I can remember.
Video games have become important to me, sounds pretty silly and pathetic to some of you, but I'm sure some of you will completely understand. It was a way for me to learn new things, hear new bold tales and adventures, and it was and is a way for me to escape, at least for a time, my anxiety and those crushing feelings of inadequacy.
Books also, as they have acted in much of the same role, there have been many sleepless nights because I was halfway through and I needed to find out how it ends, and I didn't want to face the next day.
I haven't talked to my grandpa in years. Even though we share a first name, he wants nothing to do with my family or what we believe in.
If you're still with me, thank you. I'ts been heavy, a lot of emotions have ruptured in me today.
Until next time, but you don't have to call me Calvin Watterson any more,
Instead call me Michael Wells
